She smiled and looked proud of herself when she spoke; as if this was an action which fitted in well with her neat lifestyle. This made me wonder why someone had not come up with the idea of starting an agency which offered to set up trees and decorate the house en passant for the owner. I am sure this would be a money earner; because little by little, if we take out the “do it yourself” from the festive season, for a small sum, others can get it all together for one; simply by making a phone call; and find your home all kitted up for the festive season; even with a ready cooked turkey and trimmings.

Thinking

When and what happened to introduce this line of thinking into our lives? Was it after the war? Was it the feminist movement; which in bringing women out of the kitchen made it a place of taboo? What made couples so self sufficient and self interested, that they forgot to include other important needs like those of their family?

I am not talking material things here; God knows there is no scarcity of that in homes nowadays; as many will say that they work all day in order to make sure that their children have everything they want. I remember our parents also working hard to make sure they gave their children, not everything they wanted, but everything they needed; without forgetting their other needs.

Needs; like fostering relationships with them, so they could feel that they had a listening ear; needs; like spending time doing things with them as a family, so they could learn the importance of the family unit. Needs which form the backbone of their young lives. The kind of relationship which gives your children the courage to confront situations arising at school, say; together with the education that gives them the strength of character to have confidence in themselves. Such things as will help them to foster good friendships; be aware of others needs and be a decent human being.

This may not be happening because many married couples have planned out for themselves what they consider to be the perfect set up. They both work to bring extra money in to pay for all those things they believe they need to make a perfect home; one similar or better than their neighbours or friends.

I recall, when at a stage in my life I worked briefly at a nursery school; except I never thought to find babies being wheeled in, or dropped off, in their prams, for the older teachers to change their nappies and make sure they were fed. If you think about it it’s like the old rich who had nannies to bring up their children; not so much because they both worked; something not acceptable for women in those days; but there was a social life that had to be attended to.

Take over

Then when the children are older, the grandparents take over; and later there is always summer camp where they can be entertained during the holidays. And you ask yourself, why is there so much unhappiness amongst young children these days that drives many to become introverts and suffer in silence? The reason is because no one at home is listening to them. The other side of the coin is that when you don’t bother to sit down and explain to children the facts of live, you get situations like the mum I saw on TV accompanied by her daughter. Here was a single parent who was asking for £I, 000 loan, to buy an eye pad for her child; one like the rest of her friends had. The child sat there and said she hoped her mother would be given the money; a sum she would have to pay with interest added.

Going out

This episode made me remember the days when we went out with my mother, who would tell us before we left the house, that we could look at things but we were not to ask her to buy anything, because there was no money for extras; and we didn’t, because we knew that when we needed something essential in clothing or school equipment, our parents would always get it for us; we would not go lacking. And when birthdays or Christmas came, there would always be presents for us. I think on that, and then I think on the mother and child on TV, and the readiness of that girl to accept her mother going into debt to pay for her “not essential item” but for her whim; and I find it hard to tolerate that sort of attitude. In the same way as we are being asked to tolerate so much already in this society of ours, which seems to have lost its way somewhat, as to what the meaning of life and parentage is about.

Too fast

When you look back and think that time is going too fast and has robbed you of your youth, I reckon it is us now, who are the thieves of our own destiny. We don’t realize that we have left so much by the wayside; a precious part of life itself.

The white rabbit who bumped into Alice, or the other way about, was rushing by and saying he had no time; as he held up his pocket watch and looked into it; in much the same away as we tend to bury our heads in our eye phones all of the time and bump into others on the street. It is in our hands to stop time going so fast. Just like the UK voted to leave the EU to get back control of their affairs, so must we get back control of our lives. It is in our power to do this; and when you do, your family as a whole will not only benefit, but realize that they had been greatly missing out on time spent together.

14-01-19 PANORAMAdailyGIBRALTAR